The Week in Review

I almost forgot to make my Friday post here. Fortunately, I remembered at dinner.

This week, Joseph struggled with me every morning when it was time to get on the bus, which I don't understand because last week he was all about it. The driver and aide said that as soon as they get around the corner, the crying ceases and he's fine. I've got gotten an update from his teacher this week, she had to leave town Wednesday because he father is ill.

Thursday Joseph went to his first social skills group session, which I wrote about in my previous post. Today he had this third OT session. I asked them last week for more details about the whole sensory diet thing, and this week they had some handouts prepared for me, as well as a surgical brush for "brushing," which they showed me how to do. He seemed to really like it when they demonstrated, and when we left afterwards he screamed and thrashed less. Also at OT, he's been working on cutting straight lines with scissors, apparently he struggled with getting his wrist in the right position. This week, he did it perfectly, even cutting along the lines they drew on the paper for him.

As for me, I think I'm feeling a lot better. I've been on Celexa for I think three weeks now. I have a family history of depression (that's putting it mildly actually) and finally went to the doctor and asked for antidepressants. The side-effects have been minimal. A couple of days ago, I was thinking that it's starting to help me feel just ok, not good or happy, but not crushingly depressed either, which I have been off and on for the last six months. It's supposed to take 4 to 6 weeks before it really starts working. Today I actually feel pretty good. I'm not sure how much is the drug, the fact that we haven't had any utilities shut off this month, or just that I'm getting out of the house more and being more active with the kids. Oh, and in the last couple of weeks I'm eating less and using less sweetener in my coffee. Two teaspoons was just too sweet anymore. For dinner tonight, I made myself four tacos, I only ate two before I didn't want to eat any more. So maybe I'll lose some weight now too.

Maria is still struggling at school. Today was a "good" day. She left the classroom twice without asking to go to the restroom, and screamed when another student took some plastic food she was playing with. She's also having lots of trouble on the bus. We're going to work on sitting still. First, at home in the quiet, then out in public and in fun places, like at the park or the McDonald's playground with other kids running around her. I'm still very concerned. I had ADD when I was a child, though I didn't receive treatment for it and didn't know it until I took a psych class in high school. It caused a lot of behavior problems in me. It is having a similar effect on Maria, and I'm afraid it's only a matter of time until she hates school as much as I did. Her teacher is consulting with people at the school to determine what's causing her difficulty and what sort of intervention they can provide.

I'm trying to be optimistic, but I can't help feeling like I'm broken and I've passed on my own 'challenges' to my kids. In darker moments, I feel like God didn't want me to have kids at all. Kristy miscarried our first son at 21 weeks, a year before Joseph was born, the doctors weren't able to find a cause. Sometimes it feels like that was supposed to be a hint.

In spite of all that depressing stuff, like I said, today I feel good. I hope I can maintain it.